5 months and 17 days have passed since the last entry this time. Not exactly a year, but perhaps that is a good thing. Last time I wrote to you I was in another relationship with a girl named Jennifer. She has been the only one since Aryn. However, this time, I was the one who wanted out of the relationship. And after several months here I am, a free man once more able to roam the night without recourse.

I'm living alone in a nice 3 bedroom townhouse duplex. Unfortunately, I'm going to need a roommate. I'm definitely not going to be looking for a female though it'd be nice to have a captive woman to help clean up around here.

Last we spoke I am unsure if my Pagan interests had arisen in text. Well, I dedicated myself to the study of the Craft on May 19th, 2001, and here it is October of 2002 and I am a dedicant to the Eternal Harvest Tradition of Wicca, and a full-fledged Witch Apprentice. Things are going very well for me in that area.

My vampire nature and my lust for blood is taking a much needed back-seat in my life right now. I'm happy, I'm somewhat successfull, I've got a positive outlook on life with no real regrets, and I have friends. I also try and see things through more, or anticipate results before plunging head-first blindly.

Now, here is my next dillema... One of my friends is a guy named Mako. He practices the African voodon (sp?) magicks of, well, Africa. I've seen him do things that makes today's version of Wicca look like child's play. However, I'm not dissing modern Wicca, b/c those who are dedicated whole-heartedly can be just as powerful, though it may take more work and a longer waiting period.

During a recent Meesa that Mako conducted, I discovered what I had hoped and longed for, yet at the same time, what I feared most. Modern Wicca has been reconstructed into pollitically correct Wicca, if you will, from what the ancient Europeans used to practice. The things that Mako has told me about his practices fit in with some of my beliefs, he just uses a different (and I use this term loosely) "archetype" of gods and/or goddesses. I know that the Witchcraft and Wicca religion of the ancient Europeans can be rediscovered and reclaimed.

Now, moving on from that impending task, we have my vampire problems. I have the ability to psy-vamp from people. Sometimes consciously, sometimes unconsciously. Sometimes I can even prevent myself from feeding at all if I feel the need to hide myself. Which is exactly what I had to do when I first met my fellow coven members. They never knew until I confronted them and told them about my dillema. However, they have been very helpful and positive, and at the same time acknowledge my attunement with energies (human and other), and are attempting to help me develop them into a psychic healing ability b/c I don't want to be evil, I want to take this "gift" and do positive things with it w/out having people fear me.

So on top of my impending search for true ancient Wicca, I have the task of developing my psychic energy talents to benefit others. And on to my last dillema. This all makes me very happy. And if I am to find these things, I fear they must be the only things I do. Or if I am to keep up these things, then I fear they must be the only things I continue to do. Sure, I could make a living doing it, and it would be fulfilling, and I fear that if I don't, I'll continue to be stressed out about failing and what I could have done, but never did. So where do I begin, how do I go about this path, and where does it end?

I pray for guidance from the Lord and the Lady. May your loving light and perfect judgement ever be my vigilant guide in this life and all those to follow.

-Amethyst