hmmm.... nearly a year since I last posted in this infernal memoir. Anothering scrawl tacked to the wall of bathroom stall, a piece of poetry inscribed elegantly on parchment, or this, an entry into my log. This thing haunts me like a monster under a childs bed. It's the kind of thing that you know is there, but don't always care to dredge up. I'm referring to the things that I once believed, some of which I still believe, others, I wish had never happened. However, I write that half-heartedly on all accounts... Do I really wish I'd never believed those things? Do I really enjoy believing the things I still do? Who knows. Once again, time will tell. Though I'm beginning to wonder some things... Will time actually tell me anything at all? I'd once thought it would, or even could, but now I'm unsure about this as well.

Mother Earth,

Father Time,

Keepers of Secrets,

Givers of Wine.

Will I ever be revealed what I yearn for? Or will I continue to be drunk on that wish? Or are there any secrets at all?

How I long for resolution, happiness, peace, love... I knew love once I believe. Aryn. That feeling has yet to cross my heart once more.

Am I going anywhere in life? Is if life taking me where it wants? Do I have any control over my destiny, or was I fucked from the beginning? Do I actually care about anything, or anyone? Is it too late now to even attempt to make things right, or will I forever be trapped in this relationship? Too many questions, not enough answers. I don't know how to break up with people. I've never done it before.

Answers.............

Find me.............

I'm waiting.........

Or am I hiding....??