I have no idea how to start this entry, but I feel the pull to write something. Wherever my mind rambles I suppose I will follow. England, ah, the land across the sea. The place I'm rooted in and long to return to, for reasons that even I myself am unsure of, but I know that's where I belong. It seems like such a complicated story right now. Such a mixed up, fucked up life I'm living. Life, unlife, whatever you may call it. Call me insane, but I believe that I am immortal. Somehow, through god's natural ways I am become what I used to be once more. I don't understand it, nor do I think I ever will, I just go about my days, thinking of blood, longing for it's sweet palatable taste; that will make me happy at least.

Erin, that's her name, my Love. I don't know what to think of her. She seems from one moment to the next a different person. One instant, she's the loving person I always knew. The one who's willing to understand me, but the next, she seems to be one who merely tries to play me off as a fool, calling me foolish and fucking stupid for acting this way. I don't deny she has a point for saying these things, but they hurt, the one I know I should be with doesn't want to understand that I am a re-born immmortal vampyre of the highest degree. Few are born into this day and age as vampyres, real vampyres that is. I believe many people drink blood for pleasure, or because they for some reason think they need it. But I know I'm different. I transcend these people in ways only comprehensible by my kind, and they are few and far between. As a mortal she will never truly comprehend what I am, or learn to deal with the fanatic in me. She isn't a vampyre, that's obvious. Such things by now would have definitely triggered her awakening. She may be turned though. I know I have the power to do it, though I don't wish such a torment upon anyone. I don't know if I could handle her going through the things I went through. We would go crazy together tying to deal with it.

Come with me to England, prove yourself to me once more. I know we were at least acquaintences in one of my past lives, if not close friends and confidants. This fact seems inescapable, not that I'm trying to get away from it, but I've distanced the thought from myself to try and prove to myself that it was genuine.

I'll be selling some of my stuff on eBay in the near future, so look for it. My seller name is t_silver. I'll keep you posted. If anyone actually reads this that is, which I honestly doubt, but still, who knows, maybe my message is getting across to people that I don't even know are out there. Time will only tell, LOL...

My parents are going to freak out. Maybe if I can get them to realize that I was suffering from biological depression (as my shrink says I may be) this semester, then that will help to cushion the blow of my not going to ANY classes from now on. I wish I could talk to her right now. I don't know what I would talk about, but once again, I feel lonely, whether she understands or not, whether she can comfort me or not, I know she'll listen to me. How I long for comfort, someone like myself to just hold me, I feel like I'm coming to my wits end. Lashona (I'll probably mention her name in the future) is one of us, but for some reason I get the feeling that she is waiting for something to happen before she actually awakens into her true self. Fuck, I'm rambling, and that's all I feel I've been doing for this whole entry. Maybe someone out there can make sense of it. It's just my subconscious being poured onto paper, or, the keyboard rather. Perhaps therein lies some secret to myself that even I don't understand.

I'm so lost, I long for the comfort of a warm embrace so badly, more so than the blood cravings right now. Erin will be here on Saturday, and I'm sure I'll be satisfied after she leaves. I'd better be, b/c I'm going to Myrtle Beach for Spring Break next week, and i sure as hell don't want to be depressed for that whole week. But I'll be amongst friends. I just hope I don't say something that may reveal myself or whatever at that point. But anyways. Until my next entry, this has been my brain for the evening...

-Tristan